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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23124616">The Sun and Sea of Another World</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinearA/pseuds/LinearA'>LinearA</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Confused queer teen Ben Solo, F/M, M/M, Poor Tai, Young Love, all the children of the sequel trilogy got raw deals</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:28:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,074</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23124616</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinearA/pseuds/LinearA</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tai hopes for something Ben doesn't quite understand.  But then, there are a lot of things Ben doesn't understand.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Tai, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Queerly Beloved Reylo Fics</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Sun and Sea of Another World</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The light is very low as Ben and Tai walk slowly back across the field.  Ben tells himself, vaguely, that he is walking slowly because Tai is not as tall as he is, but this is a lie.  Tai can walk just as fast as he can, and often does, feet making sharp double time beside his.  He’s walking slowly because once they cross the field, they will be back in the scope of other people’s hearing, other people’s surveillance.  He can’t be really open with Tai – <i>only you and I,</i> Snoke has reminded him, <i>only you and I are fortunate and unfortunate enough to be able to understand one another</i> –  but he can say things he can’t say to other people to Tai, impulsive things.  He can cry out against unfairnesses, he can curse the Senate and rage at his parents and the way they let him down, each of them being less than the hero they expect him to be, and Tai just tilts his sharp chin and shrugs.  <i>I see what you mean,</i> Tai says sometimes.  <i>That makes sense.</i></p><p>And when Tai tells him he’s making sense, everything seems to make a little more sense.</p><p>So Ben dawdles, shifting his weight slowly from step to step, lingering in the lull of Tai’s voice going back and forth with his, overlapping, like waves on a beach.  Maybe there’s some world or other, somewhere, with a very bright sun, and lots of silica in the water to reflect it, with a sea like Tai’s blue eyes.  He turns his head a little, sideways, to double-check the color as it changes in the evening light, and Tai stops.  He turns a little, so that Ben can look at his eyes square on, and when their eyes meet, he gasps, like someone dropped him into cold water.</p><p>His eyes search Ben’s, and Ben for an instant thinks of Snoke’s warning – <i>one day they will find you out, you know, and then, my friend, I’m afraid they must drive you away</i> – and he sucks in a cold, frightened breath of his own.  But it isn’t accusing, Tai’s gaze; it’s not aghast or suspicious, and his mind, in the Force, isn’t rearing back from the horror of him or furiously searching for the dark, hidden parts of Ben.  It’s just – waiting.  Hoping for something.</p><p>Ben shifts forward, just barely, drawn by the heat of Tai’s hope, and Tai shifts too, eagerly, mirroring him, and the hope flares hotter and brighter.  Tai wants something, yearns for it, and Ben can’t quite feel what it is, doesn’t know how to ask, and when he tilts his head in puzzlement, Tai’s mouth meets his.</p><p>It’s a gentle pressure, just a soft invitation.  But Ben doesn’t know what he’s being invited to, though he feels the welcome, and he just floats, helpless, in the warmth of Tai’s lips and Tai’s hope.  After a moment the hope dwindles, and cools, and the lips draw back.  Ben wants to stop him, because he doesn’t have what Tai wants but he wants that warmth, that hope – wants <i>Tai.</i>  Tai who makes things make sense.  Tai who is never angry to lose a sparring match, and never angry with him for being angry.  Tai who has eyes as blue as a sea Ben has never seen.  </p><p>He almost leans forward, to follow Tai blindly, but something pulls at him.  Not in the part of him where Snoke pulls at him; somewhere else, where Ben never goes and he thinks maybe Snoke can’t.  It has its own warmth, like a fire, like a sun, like a small, calloused hand.  And it has its own voice, not Snoke’s; the voice is clear and sweet.  <i>I’ll help you,</i> the voice says, and it’s so full of steel that Ben knows it’s not some vague goodness of heart; it means <i>him</i> and it <i>can.</i>  And then his head flares for a millionth of a second with pictures and sensations <i>(sweat-damp hair, wet skin, a hand around a hilt)</i> and some kind of heat and some kind of hope flare with it.  </p><p>And then Snoke is there.  <i><b>Are you in distress, my friend?  You seem… disturbed.</b></i></p><p>Ben swallows hard.  Snoke shifts, within his mind, looks through his eyes at Tai.</p><p>
  <i>
    <b>Ah.  Once more.  They want you to be something you cannot be.</b>
  </i>
</p><p>“I… can’t,” Ben says, barely a whisper.</p><p>“You don’t have to,” Tai says, which is exactly the sort of thing Tai says.  Something to make him feel safer.  He doesn’t want to leave the field; he doesn’t want to go back where people besides Tai can hear him.  “You don’t have to be anybody but who you are.  Who you are is what I love.”</p><p><i><b>Love,</b></i> says Snoke.  <i><b>The word the Jedi always say and never mean.  Much as they may want to.</b></i></p><p>Ben pushes that pain away.  It’s familiar.  He knows they don’t mean it; he’s accustomed to that soft betrayal.  But that flare – that white hot heat that started in his heart and seemed like it might spread, might fill his whole body – he wants it back.  And it’s not gone.  He can tell.  “What if I’m not just me?”</p><p>Tai’s clean brow draws down.  “What do you mean?” he asks.  </p><p>Ben licks his lips, searching for a way to explain without betraying Snoke, or that secret fire inside him.  He tastes Tai on his mouth.</p><p>“Ben!” Master Luke calls out, and they both turn to see him striding out towards them.  “Oh, do you have Tai with you?  That’s wonderful.  Wonderful.”  He smiles, and Ben’s stomach turns over, because Master Luke is so eager for him to have friends, even one friend.  And every wish Master Luke has for him is a test, and he’s failed this one.  He’s let Tai down; he couldn’t give him what he wanted, and Tai won’t want to talk to him anymore.  </p><p>“I’m coming,” he says, and walks quickly, head down, so his hair hides his face from both of them.</p><p><i><b>I’m sorry it must be like this,</b></i> Snoke says regretfully.  <i><b>But it is in the nature of the Jedi.  They ask more than you can give.</b></i></p><p>And Ben knows, and has always agreed, remembering every time he’s fallen short of Master Luke’s wishes.  But he remembers that steel-sure voice – <i>I’ll help you</i> – and he wonders if anybody really knows everything they have to give until they give it.</p>
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